Errata slip for CRAFTS magazine
In some editions of CRAFTS magazine November 2011 the following important corrections have not been made to the article Right Said Fred, on p48
On page 48, column one, the first line ‘I’m behind Hobbycraft getting a blowjob from the pipe-cleaner sales woman while the rest of the family are inside looking at scrapbook materials’ should be replaced with ‘I’m here in the study while the rest of the family are watching telly ’.
On page 48, column two, the line ‘I run card-making sessions down the community centre for elderly craft frumps who smell like dishcloths and fish blood and are all on benefits’ should be replaced with ‘we are running a highly principled outfit’.
On page 51, last paragraph, the line ‘The local council ordered a load of coffee tables for a mental home but when they saw them they said they would make the patients more mental, so they cancelled it’ should be replaced with ‘I make pieces that are intended as pioneering furniture statements rather than products’.
On page 48, column one, the first line ‘I’m behind Hobbycraft getting a blowjob from the pipe-cleaner sales woman while the rest of the family are inside looking at scrapbook materials’ should be replaced with ‘I’m here in the study while the rest of the family are watching telly ’.
On page 48, column two, the line ‘I run card-making sessions down the community centre for elderly craft frumps who smell like dishcloths and fish blood and are all on benefits’ should be replaced with ‘we are running a highly principled outfit’.
On page 51, last paragraph, the line ‘The local council ordered a load of coffee tables for a mental home but when they saw them they said they would make the patients more mental, so they cancelled it’ should be replaced with ‘I make pieces that are intended as pioneering furniture statements rather than products’.
On page 51, column one, the second to last paragraph ‘When I’m thinking about a design for a mouthwash box or an evening-chair I start out by thinking what would look the most stupid, what would be the most inappropriate shape, and how can I ensure that it wouldn’t function in a normal human situation. I like to wind people up,’ should be replaced with ‘I’m an explorer more than a designer’.
On page 51, column one, the paragraph ‘I always encourage my employees to sniff my underwear every day so that, like loyal dogs, they will follow me everywhere. I keep a ball of tissue under my armpit and drop bits into their tea and those particular members of staff have never left the company’ should be replaced with ‘I always encourage my employees to explore and contribute their thoughts while they gain expertise in ideas, design and manufacturing’.
On page 51, column one, the paragraph ‘I always encourage my employees to sniff my underwear every day so that, like loyal dogs, they will follow me everywhere. I keep a ball of tissue under my armpit and drop bits into their tea and those particular members of staff have never left the company’ should be replaced with ‘I always encourage my employees to explore and contribute their thoughts while they gain expertise in ideas, design and manufacturing’.
On page 51, the paragraph ‘Off the record, I’m just taking the piss really, I wouldn’t have this stuff in my own house, it’s for wanky idiots called Peregrine who go on Grand Designs and build underground houses. I have a secret camera installed in every piece so I can laugh at the people who buy it as they try and find a use for it in their home. I like watching people on these cameras anyway; people get up to all kinds of things in the privacy of their own homes’ should be replaced with ‘I didn’t even know the word for wood’.
Apologies if in your edition of CRAFTS these corrections have already been made.
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Apologies if in your edition of CRAFTS these corrections have already been made.
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